Differences: Dom/Top and Sub/bottom

THE QUESTION:
What to YOU is the difference between a Dom and a Top?
Sub and a bottom?


*Disclaimers:

(Apply gender as it works for you in this answer)

These are my thoughts. They fluctuate often as I learn new things and encounter new dynamics and the people involved in those dynamics. They are in no way intended to encompass or describe a one true way definition of Dom, Top, sub or bottom.*


To me, the biggest difference is in the level of need to dominate and the level of need to submit. Continue reading

Why do you Poly

openlife13Why do you poly? Why do you have an open marriage? These are questions that have been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks, consuming much of my thought time. I know why I poly. I know why I want an open marriage. I will share my reasons in this post and I hope you might do the same in the comments. Continue reading

Alone in the Woods

water
It is all about pushing boundaries. Facing fears and overcoming them. I knew that when I got involved with Him. I just didn’t think this was going to be one of them. It terrifies me so much that it has always been on my hard limits list. So why the fuck was I here? Why was I standing here, the rushing water of the creek inches from my sandaled toes? As I watched the water rush over the rocks and felt the cool breeze blowing over my skin, I remembered standing here with Him on his last visit. Had it really only been four days ago?

Continue reading

The Element of Surprise

Kari waved and smiled as she passed His receptionist and headed back to His office. Janet, the receptionist waved back as she gathered her things and left the office for her lunch break. Kari slipped into His office and closed the door behind her. She knew she had a few minutes before He would arrive. She walked slowly around this space where He spent His days. Continue reading

At the Back Door – Erotica

backporch1

The sun was hot on Sabrina’s bare shoulders as she walked up the dirt drive to the rustic old farmhouse nestled in the rolling hills of the countryside. It looked deserted, as she expected it would be. Her Sir, Travis, wouldn’t be there for a little while still and she had preparations to make. Her hand tightened almost unconsciously around the letter in the pocket of her sundress, her instructions. She was nervous but she had been anticipating this day for weeks. His phone call to her before she left the city was different than most of their calls. He had asked her how committed she was to him. “Anything, Sir, I’d do anything for you, anything you tell me too. There is nothing I wouldn’t do.” She told him without hesitation. “Of course you will do anything I want; you will serve any purpose I choose. That’s my good girl. Don’t forget, sweet one. Any purpose, anything I want” He said, his voice sweet with pride. “Yes, Sir.” She said her voice breaking just a little. Continue reading

Fuck their definitions…

sexuality

When we are growing up, the world we live in dictates to us what kind of sexuality is acceptable and what is not. The media, the government, the educational system, the church are all determined to tell you what version of your personal sexuality is ok and what turn ons are acceptable. Sexuality is not open for discussion or discovery and certainly not available to be determined or defined by the one living with it and anything outside of the accepted norm of turn ons is something to feel ashamed of, to feel guilty for experiencing…. something we are taught that is not normal, not acceptable and not allowed. Continue reading

So you want to play with the princess…. ok, but first…

So I read this article on Fetlife — So, You Want to Play with my Sub — and, of course, it created all the thought bubbles in my head and so here we are with a new post.

I like everything the writer has to say in the article. I agree with him 100 percent. If you are a new Dom or new to the scene or even just new to the sub you would like to play with, there is a very wrong way and several right ways to go about doing asking to do so.  The writer of the article stopped at saying no to the interested person who went about asking in the wrong way, but I believe there is more to be said on the subject. If there is a wrong way to do something, then it stands to reason that there is also a right way to do it. Working off the premise that the only reason an interested party would approach a Dom in the way described in the original article, is that they are very uneducated about the lifestyle, about protocol, possibly even about manners, I offer some advice to possibly do it better. Continue reading