Differences: Dom/Top and Sub/bottom

THE QUESTION:
What to YOU is the difference between a Dom and a Top?
Sub and a bottom?


*Disclaimers:

(Apply gender as it works for you in this answer)

These are my thoughts. They fluctuate often as I learn new things and encounter new dynamics and the people involved in those dynamics. They are in no way intended to encompass or describe a one true way definition of Dom, Top, sub or bottom.*


To me, the biggest difference is in the level of need to dominate and the level of need to submit. Continue reading

Relationship OCD

I am the kind of person who functions best with very clearly defined expectations of anything from a task to the relationships I engage in. I don’t do well with vague, I don’t do well with shifting. I don’t do well with unexpected change.

This is really hitting home to me today in the realm of my relationships. I’m not talking about new, budding and finding their way relationships. But instead the ones that have already gone past the new relationship energy and settled into what they are. I am very flexible in my ability to have all sorts of different relationships and feelings for people on every level imaginable. Continue reading

My Crazy Life… The growth continues

openlife10Over the course of the last three or four months, my marriage has been evolving at an almost startling pace. In particular, it’s been very surreal this past month or so. In that very short period of time, my husband of almost 14 years, figured out and came to terms with the fact that he could have strong enough feelings for another woman to consider that he might be in love with her. We talked and talked and talked and talked some more to get our heads around that. With that realization came another… if he could fall / be in love with someone else without it affecting his love and affection for me, then he had to believe that I was capable of doing the same. After that realization, I was given a mess of new freedoms, everything from talking with whoever I wanted to online to being able to start actively seeking a local playmate and getting back on twitter. Continue reading

Consent Done Right

consentmatters16Whistling my favorite song, happily slapping the mortar onto the brightly colored and well glittered bricks that make up the walls that guard my heart. Gleefully stacking them haphazardly atop each other between posting lines from my naughty stories and my thoughts on sex and submission and even a naughty picture or ten. Giggling along in my safe little corner of the cyber world, or playing with my friends and flirting with all the sexxies. Continue reading

Stroking My Mental G-Spot

mentalgspot6I will be 39 in two months. From everything I’ve ever read and everything I’ve ever heard, I should be hitting my sexual prime right about now. Craving sex, wanting it, needing it, must having it. Soooooo… that leaves me to wonder just where the fuck has my libido run off too.

mentalgspot4It’s been gone now for a few weeks. Just gone. Online, offline, alone, with my partners… doesn’t matter. The desire level is frighteningly low, especially for me. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am a highly sexual creature. I love sex and all things sexual. But lately, it’s just gone. How does that happen? It’s very strange. I’ve been thinking about it… a lot. Continue reading

The Kinklings, Week 4 Topic: Love

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Love. Wow. That is a pretty broad topic and I am a girl of many words. Let’s narrow this down a bit, shall we. I think I’ll stick to the idea of romantic love as I write today.

When I was a little girl, love looked like a fairy tale made up of Prince Charming and some sort of princess (usually in distress). Love was wonderful, rosy, easy, ya know… happily ever after and all that good stuff. At least it was on TV and in the story books and the movies and well… just about everywhere you looked. Continue reading

10 Day Writing Challenge: Day 4

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

 

My mind is a hot fucking mess that never seems to stop so this should be interesting.

 

1. FOOD. It seems like I’m always thinking about food. Cooking it, eating it, avoiding it, measuring it. I love to cook, I love to feed people. I love to eat and I’m in the process of trying to change the way I think about food. So yeah, food is on my mind a lot lately. Continue reading

Ten Day Writing Challenge: Day 3

Day Three: Eight things you can do to win my heart

Trble already did this, but it was really fun to think about this at this particular time of my life. I approached it as eight things you can do to be a part of the very, very select few who share my heart *grins* 

 

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In no particular order (other than the order that they popped into my head):

1. Like who I am as a person, not just the idea of me. My ex-husband really didn’t like ME. He liked the idea of me… a wife, a mother, someone to have sex with. But he was constantly trying to change me. So this one is really important to me. Like me. Be my friend. Genuinely want time with me and enjoy it when we are together. Think sweet thoughts of me when we are apart. Love all my sides, even the uglier ones. Don’t try to fix me. Don’t try to change me. And, if you don’t genuinely like who I am, the kind of person I am… please, please, please don’t fake it, just move along. Continue reading

10 Day Writing Challenge – Day 1

Day One: Ten things you want to say to different people right now.

 

I just did a similar post to recently, but I will do it again with more words. How fun, right!?! 😛 So here we go, ten things I want to say to ten people right now that I just can’t find the words to say face to face. If you think you see yourself in the following words, you just might be right. I hope you enjoy.

 

1. You are an amazing, strong, sexy, wonderful man and an exceptionally talented lover. I love watching you grow and open yourself to discoveries you are making about yourself. I am so honored to be a part of that. I love the way you ground me when my world spins out and the way you just seem to know exactly what I need when I need it and are so willing to supply it. I look forward to every day of my life with you in it, can’t imagine even one minute of my life without you in it. Continue reading